When teenagers are being disrespectful and rude

A swearing, uncooperative, moody, angry and defiant teenager can make you wonder what's happened to your child. It may seem like your teen is rebelling against your values and beliefs, and being disrespectful on purpose. But in reality, they could be trying to figure out who they are as they transition from childhood to adulthood. If you are wondering how to deal with your teenage daughter's attitude, or how to deal with your difficult teenage son, it helps to understand what is going on in their heads.

What does disrespect and rudeness look like?

As teenagers try to work out their place in the world, they can often become moody or upset if their views are questioned. You may fear any conversation may set them off.

Your teen's disrespectful and rude behaviour may include:

• Talking back or arguing
• Swearing or crude language
• Wearing clothing with images or words you find offensive
• Demanding things
• Refusing or ignoring requests

Why do some teenAGErs BEcoME REBELLIOuS?

Your teenager will want to talk about what they see, hear and read about, as they struggle to make sense of changes in themsevles and their world. So what seems to you like rudeness and disrespect may just be your teenager trying out ideas and opinions that are interesting or attractive to them. Getting the balance right between allowing them some freedom and setting fair and reasonable rules may be difficult. It can be easy to fall into a pattern of negative interactions, which create more friction.

Your teen may be behaving a certain way partly because of previous arguments:

• If you directly challenge or make fun of your teen's ideas about a certain issue, you may provoke them into trying to prove you wrong
• Your teen may try out new ways of speaking, acting or dressing (at home or with their peers) to see if it gets them what they want, and overreacting may intensify a stubborn or resentful response
• If there has been no discussion about setting fair limits and what is appropriate behaviour at home, school, and in other social situations, your teen is less likely to be cooperative and polite

…or maybe all of these things are happening at once!