Loneliness, stress and the mental load: coping when parenting gets tough

The love comes easily, but the everyday job of parenting can sometimes be busy, lonely and exhausting. This can be especially true during the holiday season.

Raising children already involves a lot of work, not to mention running a household, doing paid work or studying. At the end of the year the to-do list often grows even more, adding to your mental load at a time you might be feeling lonelier, worrying about finances or missing loved ones.

But there is hope to be found this holiday season. By finding ways to reconnect, bringing a little more fun back into family time and looking after your mental health, you can better cope with some of the emotional challenges of parenting not just during the holidays, but the whole year through.

Searching for real connection: the loneliness of modern parenting

Technology and social media have made it easier than ever to connect online. Despite this, parents and carers are struggling with loneliness like never before. In Australia’s largest national survey of parents conducted in late 2025, almost 60% of parents and carers reported experiencing psychological distress, with loneliness and isolation among the key drivers¹. They even contributed more than cost-of-living pressures. In the UK, almost half of parents of children aged under five years old experience loneliness and isolation, with one in five rarely or never having meaningful contact with other adults outside of their home². In the US, former surgeon general Dr Vivek Murthy issued an advisory that found 41% of parents felt so stressed they couldn’t function most days, with isolation and loneliness among the key contributors³.

While the best things in life might be free, they aren’t always easy to find. It isn’t just new parents and carers adjusting to parenthood who feel lonely. Parents with children of all ages often wish they had more family and friends close by who they could talk with, relate to, spend time with, feel close to, trust and rely on for both emotional and practical support. Even higher rates of loneliness might be experienced by parents and carers of children with disability, single parents, new parents and mums from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds⁴.

It’s normal to feel lonely or stressed sometimes. But chronic loneliness or stress can make you more irritable and less emotionally available. Over time, they can also negatively impact your physical and mental health, which in turn can impact your child’s wellbeing.

Carrying the mental load: invisible parenting work

It’s not just the physical act of buying presents, attending events, decorating the house and hosting family and friends during the holiday season that takes extra time and effort. It’s also the mental load that comes with them.

All the invisible thinking, planning, organising and problem solving involved with everyday parenting (how to hide vegetables in their dinner, help them with their handwriting, ease their worries about the dentist, find a babysitter, pay the bills and so on) can increase dramatically at the end of the year.

Whether you’re thinking about how to create a magical Christmas for your family, how much you can afford to spend on presents, how to handle challenging family relationships, or how to get time off work to attend the school concert, the mental load can start to feel heavy. Add to this the loneliness the holiday period and modern parenting can bring, despite loving your child with all your heart, and it can be hard to find joy in what’s meant to be the most wonderful time of the year.

Three easy ways to start feeling less lonely and ease the mental load

Small changes can make a big difference when it comes to feeling more connected. They can also make managing the mental load of parenting a little easier. Start small and set yourself up for some early wins.

1. Bring the fun back into family time
   A lot of parents and carers can relate to the well-known saying “hurry is the enemy of love.” When we’re rushing around trying to get the kids to do everything quickly, from putting on their shoes to getting out the door, it can create a feeling of tension and pressure at home. Routines that allow everyone plenty of time can be a big help. So can slowing down and finding joy in everyday moments.
   
   This might look like stopping to smell the flowers or jumping over puddles on the walk to school, or dancing together in the kitchen while waiting for the toast to pop. They don’t have to be big gestures – just silly songs or things that make you and your kids smile and bring you closer. Being spontaneous can also help. You could try having surprise pancakes on a Wednesday, an afternoon disco at home, or a running race on the way home from school. Mix it up, make it fun, give them a hug and feel the love.
   
   
2. Slowly build your support network
   It can take time trying different things and getting out of our comfort zone to find people we connect with. While this might feel awkward or uncomfortable at first, the rewards can be huge.
   
   Building support can look different for every family. You might connect with other parents and carers at local parenting support groups, community centres or libraries. Volunteering at your child’s kindergarten or school can also help you get to know people. If you can, find time to explore classes or hobbies that interest you. Sharing common interests with others and meeting on a regular basis helps friendships form naturally. Taking the initiative to invite other families to meet at the local park, ask a friend out for coffee or start a friendly conversation with a colleague at work can also be a gamechanger.
   
   Sometimes, making the first move is all it takes.
   
   
3. Look after yourself, for you and your kids
   Managing parental stress is one of the biggest predictors of a child’s wellbeing⁵. When parents and carers take time to look after themselves, there’s a better chance they will be calmer around their children, which can lead to children feeling good as well. Doing activities you enjoy, or finding ways to relax either on your own or with a friend, can make a big difference to your stress levels. Think about what might work for you. Perhaps it’s sitting quietly with a cup of coffee or tea, going for a walk while listening to music, or doing your favourite workout.
   
   When it comes to easing the mental load, setting aside some time each day to write down your to-do list can help get it out of your head. Even 10 minutes can make a huge difference. It can also help you identify which tasks aren’t that important and which ones can be put on a calendar so you don’t need to remember them. If you have a partner, they might not be aware of all the extra work you’re doing, so it can also help to talk about ways to share the load more.

Being constantly stressed, overworked, overwhelmed and lonely might seem increasingly common in today’s busy world, but it isn’t doing anyone any good. By remembering what matters most, finding simple ways to connect with others and prioritising your health and wellbeing, you can lighten the load a little and with time, start feeling like the best version of yourself again.

If you’re struggling with loneliness, stress or mental health concerns, seek professional support from your doctor. You’re not alone and help is available.

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References

1. Parenting Research Centre. (2025). Parenting Today. https://www.parentingrc.org.au/tools/parenting-today
2. Home-Start UK. (2026). Together alone: The new face of family isolation. https://www.home-start.org.uk/Handlers/Download.ashx?IDMF=8995adcb-9beb-4d54-a735-9c3580629621
3. The U.S. Surgeon General's Advisory on the Mental Health & Well-Being of Parents. (2024). Parents Under Pressure. https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/parents-under-pressure.pdf
4. Nowland, R., Thomson, G., McNally, L., Smith, T., & Whittaker, K. (2021). Experiencing loneliness in parenthood: A scoping review. Perspectives in Public Health, 141(4), 214–225. https://doi.org/10.1177/17579139211018243
5. Ribas, L. H., Montezano, B. B., Nieves, M., Kampmann, L. B., & Jansen, K. (2024). The role of parental stress on emotional and behavioral problems in offspring: A systematic review with meta-analysis. Jornal de Pediatria, 100(6), 565–585. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jped.2024.02.003